i do not think it'd be so coincidental for you to stumble upon this other blog of mine, even though i had actually posted a very definite line that came from you lost among the entries i had written here. well even if you did, maybe that's another story altogether...
As much as we both are intelligent people, 看不到、摸不到、听不着 really takes a toil on meh. it is something that a pragmatic me at times (as much as i love to daydream) find it very hard to digest. i am never quite sure of how you feel towards me. i cant be logging into facebook all the time to see what're your latest updates nor am i gonna update my other secret (or not so secret) blog anymore baring my deepest emotions and experience. The miniscule "reactions" i get each time i blog, just isn't substantial enough for my pinning. They're vague, easily transcribable to other mundane issues in life, so sheer as if a light blow of air from mah lips would burst em just like how a bubble would disintegrate. it's distraughtly upsetting and i'm leaving. i dun see anything cogent enough to pinpoint your developing affections for me, or perhaps they're just a figment of mah imaginations. i cant hang around this machine call my laptop all the time as i have other neccessary stuff to do in real life that needs my attention away from this virtual world, which ironically due to a turning stage of my life, i had come to know you from. it's been three years plus since we got acquainted. i never ceased to be intrigued by you as much as perhaps you've proclaimed from odd time to time that you "idolized" me. Yes, you've always been a sort of an eccentric fella as our common web friends had affirmed as well. i've met them. you've met them. just oddly enough, we've never met each other. Maybe it's about courage. I have msn and sms you for a start, only to get the normal cordial replies you'd usually get from mere acquiantance. so a hi and a bye ended all possible further interactions. yet, something would always seemed to be bubbling silently somewhere. a hint here and a faint whiff there. when i was crushed when my affections weren't returned the other time i adored someone, i saw a line of wisdom from you completed with background picture that seemed to be as if directed at no one. when i had blogged about an erotic dream i had on a blog elsewhere i didnt expect anyone to read, i saw on your fluff friends a cheeky line as if in response to what i had blogged about my dream. gradually, i was hooked. i had never really thought you might be into me, but there were times i would do something and suddenly yet subtly, unbeknownst to others, our status quo would change. i wouldn't be able to reach out to you as before. and that dramatic change would always get me thinking. what did i do? maybe...? was it that? oddly, that seems like a typical silent treatment women would usually impose on guys. was that what happened to poor lil ol' meh?
well, it's not like it's not happened before. there was a period of time i had lost touch with all of our gang, before finally like a year later or so, i decided to add you guys onto my msn which i seldom utilize at all. i'm not really into chats. then much later, all of us got connected thru facebook. and that's when all these funny niggling feelings start to creep in... again. oh well, we're all somehow still "connected" even though everyone's have their own life to lead.
the past days, i had "seen" you thru another life's crisis. i'm glad that finally everything had turned out "okay", as informed thru your status update on twitter. i was more or less relieved, for you.
i had always admired your command of language and the witty way you wrote online. i wish i could write as well as you do, sarcastic and succinct. Then again, that's your distinct style. i love reading your each and every article just to hear how those lovely orchestra of words would ring to my ears. Perhaps, that'll have to make up for the lack of sound from ya. i've never heard you spoken before. i've seen your pictures, your articles, the cute animations that you've made and even heard robotic sound of you talking... well, just not your voice or you (though actually, i've brushed by you in real life once). funny, isn't it? and wat excuse do i have?
if i gradually disappear off screen, would you come find me one day?
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